The Tony-Award winning
"Movin' Out," based on the music of Billy Joel, closes on Broadway
on December 11. In honor of the show's closing, we would like to
take a moment to remember its humble beginnings. We have obtained
a rough draft of this piece, which follows below.
SCENE: Fade in. Billy Joel, "the
Piano Man," entertaining the patrons in a lowdown bar.
MAN: Wow. I was really in the mood
for a melody, but you got me feeling all right! Let me put tips
in your jar! Man, what are you doing here?
BILLY: Research! One day, I'm going
to write a song about you losers and your pathetic lives.
the tune of "Piano Man")
"I'll play you a song. I'm the piano man.
I'm playing for drunks in a dump
Oh, but I could be a millionaire
If I just get away from you shlubs."
BILLY: There's one line I'm stuck
on. I have a character named Davy, and I want to say he's still
in -- I'm not sure. The army, the air force?
WOMAN: How about Davy, who's still
in the Navy?
BILLY: Perfect! (STARTS TO NOTICE
HER) Hey, baby. Are you a loser like everyone else here? That's
okay. Cause I love you just the way you are.
("To the tune of "Just the Way You Are")
"Don't go changing to try and please me
I don't expect that much from you
Don't imagine that you're clever
I know you haven't got a clue
Don't go thinking
That you're fancy
You're just some skank who's at the bar.
Until I marry a supermodel
I love you just the way you are."
BILLY: Babe, I'm gonna love you
for the longest time!
(To the tune of "The Longest Time")
"You might feel this is a pleasant song
But you will see it goes on for far too
Soon you'll be pleading
For this song to stop repeating
But it just goes on
For the longest time.
You still might think this is a catchy
But you'll find it annoying very soon
You'll wonder will it ever finish
But that won't happen
For the longest time."
VIRGINIA: Boy, I like your fake
doo-wop even better than your fake rock!
BILLY: Hey, let's go back to my
VIRGINIA: Billy, I'm not that kind
of girl. Can't you tell by my name? "Virginia. ... virgin." Granted,
it's not subtle....
BILLY: I'm not going with a girl
who won't put out!
VIRGINIA: I thought you liked me
just the way I am.
BILLY: You believed that! Next
thing, you'll believe I'm really Italian!
(To the tune of "Only the Good Die Young")
"Come on Virginia don't make me stop
You got a cherry I'm dying to pop.
So give in to pressure or you will be
'Cause only the good die young."
VIRGINIA: I just realized: Your
lyrics sound like they're saying something, but they're actually
just stupid. What does that mean: Only the good die young?
(SHOOTS HER, SHE FALLS DOWN.)
(To the tune of "You May Be Right")
"Friday night I banged your mother
Saturday I stabbed your brother
Sunday came I robbed the liquor store
I was only having fun
But now I'm on the run
And I have to hide at your place for a
You may be right
I might be dangerous
But it just might be a psychopath
You're looking for
Those knots are tight
You won't escape me
I might be sick
For all I know
But I might be right."
MAN: Everyone! Keep away from the
lunatic at the piano! He's totally drunk!
BILLY: See you guys later! I'm
gonna drive home!
SCENE FADES OUT:
Billy stumbles out of the bar. The patrons
are happy the Piano Man has made them forget about life for a while.
Now if they could only forget about him.