Comments on: Treating Motherhood As A Job, Like Any Other

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 14:47:15 +0000

I can’t relate to your seemingly futile, soul-seeking quest for likeminded mommy friends nor to your view that you were relegated to boring dinner parties, where inane “PC” chatter was de rigeour, just because you happen to now have children. (What happened to your friends who were running naked with you in the snow? Why aren’t you having dinner parties with them?) Your article may resonate with mothers who have very young children or babies. It is a very time-intensive, sleep-deprived and often isolating, yet brief, period of mothering. I have three children (all in their teens) so I have a different perspective. Yes, I went through my share of vapid “mommy-and-me” classes, but I never expected to make any deep connections with other mothers in attendance. I had my girlfriends. If I happened to connect with another mother, it was a bonus. But I never expected finding a soulmate, at least not in a Music Together class! Your children are still very young, so your feelings if isolation are understandable. When your children get older and attend school, you will have the pleasure of meeting many stay-at-home mothers who are witty, charming, well-read and
intelligent. You will also meet many who are dull, provincial, seemingly illiterate and shalow–just like people you probably encountered in the workforce! Lucky you if all your colleagues were scintillating conversationalists and you forged
lifelong friendships. Life is full of acquaintances, good and bad. It’s great (and an important part if your “job”) to get good mothering tips and, yes, you wil have to turn to mothers for that. Chances are you won’t find your soulmate on the playground. But sometimes you will find mothers who become your lifeline. To relegate this period of your life as a time where you will attend boring dinner parties and playgroups to be accepted by the “right parents” and to have “safe conversations” is up to you. Perhaps I chose the road less travelled. I refused to sublimate who I am as a woman, a
thinking, creative person, just because I happen to be a stay-
at-home mom. Yeah, it’s a job. But so what? So go ahead and run naked…

By: Rocca

Rocca — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 20:30:28 +0000

I’m a man, and I do believe that motherhood is a job, a respectable and honorable career even. In fact, I believe that motherhood is the toughest job in the world, because it is the most important job in the world.

And when I say “motherhood”, homemaking or house chores have very little to do with it from my perspective; it is the raising of children that is the core of this job. Yes, feeding children healthy food is part of raising them well, and cooking is part of the house chores, but that should be viewed as a minor task of the workday–and the man or husband should definitely help. The real core of the job of motherhood, in my opinion, is raising the children, teaching them, inspiring them, even breastfeeding them with “intention”, as if the mother is not just giving them milk, but also feeding them values, morals, strength, chivalry, truthfulness, love, and so on. That may sound “new age” to many people today, but I see it as old as the dawn of history. And it has been proven by psychological experiments that our intention from doing any action has a profound effect on the effectiveness of that action, not just on ourselves but on others who are in any way affected by that action.

Some plant lovers swear by the effect of “watering plants with love”, and I do not need science to be convinced that when a mother takes care of her children with intention, love, or even a prayer for the child to be a hero one day, then that will have a positive effect on the child. And every stage of child development will have its new challenges, for which an intelligent and educated mother may want to prepare by reading, studying and researching, so she can raise her children to become as healthy and balanced individuals as possible. And that, in turn, can turn the whole world into a much better place.

If mothers do not treat the raising of their children as a world-changing career, then she will be too busy for it, and that job will inevitably be left to TV, movies, songs, school & the government, and we all see where that has gotten us today around the world.

By: Laura

Laura — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 15:25:07 +0000

I found this essay through a friend who is a mother. It struck a chord with me for a different reason. As a woman who has chosen not to have children, I have often wondered what I will do once all my women friends become mothers. There will be certain things that I still want to do that they either cannot or will not. This will necessitate me making new friends. I would never cease being friends with my mother friends, but I can forsee us growing apart over time. It will take considerable work and effort on all our parts to maintain those friendships. So just to let everyone know that these feelings are felt on the other side of the fence too.

By: Jennifer Clements

Jennifer Clements — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 01:43:17 +0000

Dear Pamela,

You shot jelly beans from your nostrils?! You sound like my kind of mommy friend.

I loved reading your piece! Wonderful voice. I especially like the opening when you refer to your former life with Valerie; it gives the reader a good idea of your personality. And to close with notes about your checkered past is a nice bookend to the beginning. (And it leaves the reader wanting to know more about you.) I really enjoyed the overall theme of your piece about approaching motherhood like any other job when it comes to making friends. Very clever and right on. Good stuff! I hope to read more of your work on this site.

I recently wrote something (unpublished) about how much I hate playgroups. About how forced these events and the ensuing “friendships” are and how I just want no part of them (despite the guilt I feel about not properly socializing my wee lass). So to read your story was so refreshing. Good to know that there are other mommas out there who are like-minded about the whole making-mommy-friends thing.

Thanks for a wonderful read, Pamela!

Best,

Jen Clements

By: cheryl

cheryl — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 14:41:34 +0000

I am a mother of two children both girls, now 13 and 11. I always felt disgruntled about not being able to forge “real” relationships with women after having my children. Like the author, my friends and I shared so many intimate converstaions but we failed to really make a connection. Now I’m clearer as to why.

By: bo

bo — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 22:27:20 +0000

this is a fantastic piece — and one I expect Brain, Child to pick up or even literary mama. And I can so relate. My problem is I moved to a new town before having children, and REALLY looked to the other moms I met to be my new friends. When I think of the disappointments I’ve had over the past ten years, much boils down to the fact that I expected these folks I at with, changed diapers with, complained about mastitis with — that these things were making us good friends. And I fell hard when it turned out not to be the case. It’s so clear and simple in your piece, I don’t think I ever thought about it quite this way before. And now I feel quite stupid about all the years of feeling neglected, left out, and lonely, as my “friends” moved on with their kids to other schools, other activities, etc.. Which with my youngest 9 years old,is actually still a problem. Ah well. Great piece and has given me much to think about. That and the fact that I haven’t eaten termites…